It’s been 1 year since Chloe died.
Life feels heavier and more hollow at the same time, and I don’t usually know what to do with the knotted up feelings of grief and sorrow and confusion and pain that are a constant companion.
Chloe, you are deeply and frantically missed. I miss how you always had my back, the way you were proud of me, and the intense love you had for our family. I miss the hopes and dreams I had about us continuing to be a part of each other’s lives as we grew up. I miss knowing you were there. I dream of you often and my subconscious has convinced me that you are still alive more times than I can count. As I sit in your old bedroom, wiping my tears on the shirt you gave me for Christmas just 9 days before you died, I hope you know that your memory lives on for me personally, for our family, and for everyone who knew you.
A post on a website is a deeply inadequate way to remember a life, but I hope that if you knew Chloe, you can raise a glass heavenward in her honor today.
Cheers, Chloe. Until we see each other again, I’ll move forward clinging desperately to the hope and the promise from the Apostle Paul that I do not grieve as one without hope.
We are missing Chloe so much. Thank you for sharing.
Andrew I think it’s the LuluLemon shirt right?! We went out shopping with Sam and Molly Christmas Eve in our pjs and she picked it out for you. She was always such a thoughtful girl. Fun fact: I almost bought your mom slippers and couldn’t find the right size but this year Chloe still helped me find the right size slippers for your mom! (And of course your gift!) Which is also awesome bc of her cow slippers from last year I now have. Wow, last year, a whole year right? That’s strange to say because it doesn’t feel that way. Love you and I am so happy we got to spend a little time over Christmas!
Hi Andrew. I've been thinking about Chole, you, and your family. I was thinking that I cannot believe it has been a year. But what I really cannot believe is that she is gone. The fact that it has been a year doesn't make the pill easier to swallow. The significance of January 3 has been on my mind today. But the sadness I feel isn't greater today that it was yesterday or that it will be tomorrow. The feeling of loss is always there, heavy and hollow is an excellent way to describe it.
I too grieve the things that I thought would be. I once promised Chole I would take her to Paris. I had every intention of following through with that promise. I grieve the loss of that plan and all the memories she and I would have created going on such a wonderful adventure.
Also with me being so much older than she is I'm forced to acknowledge a subconscious thought I had about my friendship with Chole, she was supposed to attend my memorial service. I could take time for granted because she would always be around. It is a harsh thought to rise to the conscious mind and acknowledge. I deeply regret ever making such assumptions.
I cling to all the beautiful memories I have of her. The world is so much lesser without her.
Virtual Hug,
Julia
I love you, Andrew! Today has been a day to remember our precious Chloe. It has been one year but somehow it seems like yesterday! There are no words to express how much I miss our dear Chloe. Someday we’ll all be together again. I’m thankful we had 21 years with her. You and Jack were the best big brothers for her, she loved you and all the family big! She was the life of our party.
Love you Andrew!