I love the happy memories and sweet times remembering Chloe. The truth is there is an underlying sadness that won’t ever go away. Christmas this year was bittersweet: overwhelmed with love for my family and also with sadness because last year Christmas was the last time I saw Chloe. It was the quietest Christmas morning with 9 people under one roof I’ve ever experienced. I can only think it was each of us lost in our own thoughts and memories. I am so grateful the Medlocks have their faith in God to comfort them.
I wrote this January 3rd as I struggled through the date that reminded me that there will always be a before and after:
It’s been a year today since I received the worst phone call of my life. I still remember it like it was yesterday. It feels like yesterday.
My friend told me that it’s ok to still be grieving and that society puts a limit on grief, it’s almost like a silent expectation to get back to normal as soon as possible. But nothing is normal about this and nothing will ever be the same.
And so we grieve quietly, as to not burden others with our sadness.
But today, I pull out your photos, untuck those memories that I cherish so much and play those country songs again.
Today I will allow myself to grieve as if it was yesterday my family lost their sweet Chloe.